Wednesday, 29 September 2010

The Potential Of A Relationship

A friend turned me on to an interesting blog at http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. It seems to be written from the point of view of a woman, so if you're a guy, just switch some nouns and pronouns. I think it's got some good ideas and advice about relationships.

The best quote I noticed so far was this (that I made gender neutral):

Potential is something that should be derived from the promise of actual actions that have already occurred, not the blinkered fairy tale in your head. Potential is about the potential of the relationship, NOT the potential of what the guy could be if only x, y, and z were to occur.

That's something I wish I could drive home to just about every adult I know. I'm guilty of this myself. I know in past relationships, I've thought that the relationship will be PERFECT when he cleans up those addictions or changes how he wants sex or communicates with me better or sees things more positively or blah blah blah.

I understand now that I was in love with the potential of the person to be someone he wasn't. In each moment, we are the people we are. We may want to make changes to ourselves, but unless we make changes, this is who we are! Few people truly make changes, so this is who we are. :) I'm not the person I plan to be until I am that person. Does that make sense? Well the same is true for the guys I've dated. They may have WANTED to be less angry or less depressive or different in some other way. But the guys I dated never made the changes they claimed to want, at least not while I was around.

So to all of you looking at trying to fix a relationship, or entering a new relationship. This is mostly likely to work if you truly love this person AS IS. If you are making a mental or out-loud list of all the ways you wish this person were different, especially some core and personality differences, then you are just not the right match. The right match for you is the person who doesn't need to change (for you). Nobody should have to change for you. They should be allowed to be who they are.

The right match for you is the person you don't want to change. That's because the right match is the right match, period, full stop. I agree with this blog. The potential should only be based in the moment, not on the possible future. If you are thinking that this relationship would be GREAT if only she wanted sex more, cuddled more, showed you love in more ways, etc..., then you are not judging your relationship by its true potential. You are extrapolating it out to what it might be IF those things all happened.

Stop wasting time and fooling yourself and others. That's how I feel about that! I know I will be working harder to make sure I am only dating guys I don't want to change. The right guy won't need any changes. That's what makes him right.

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Monday, 27 September 2010

eBay's New Duplicate Listing Rule

http://announcements.ebay.com/2010/09/new-policy-to-improve-search-for-buyers-and-boost-exposure-for-sellers/

Just when you thought there were no more hoops to jump through in 2010, there are. As of 26 October 2010, eBay is going to judge your listings to try to figure out which are duplicates. They will remove dupes, credit you, but possibly flag your account if they think you are whipping up trouble. So you need to pay attention to this.

What can you do?

I have not spoken to anybody about this policy, so I do not know the finer details, but here are some of my suggestions:

  • Make sure your titles reflect what this item is.
  • Use item specifics and custom item specifics to get all RELEVANT keywords into an item. You don't have to pack your title with words anymore. eBay searches will check item specifics. But do not keyword spam!
  • Use multi-sku variations wherever possible.
  • When items are different, name your item images something different. I have no data on this, but I'd guess that one way eBay would try to determine if the item is the same would be by checking the names of your images.

Remember that this does NOT apply to auctions, nor would it apply to similar items that are in different conditions. So if you have one cookie jar that's new and the same one that's used and a bit scratched up, eBay will determine that they are not the same thing.

This is really more for the sellers we ALL know who for years have just flooded eBay with the same listing over and over. I have been telling sellers for a long time to NOT do that... you don't have to. The best strategy is to have one fixed price, multiple quantity item, and work on making that perform really well in Best Match.

Remember that eBay is also watching how many times your item is seen in search results compared to how many times someone buys it. That means you need your listing to do the best job possible in making the sale. If you need any help from us, or want a template designed, let us know at www.aswas.com.

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Thursday, 23 September 2010

Facebook Wants You To Enjoy Memories of Things People Did Without You

Somewhere in the bowels of Facebook, there is a place where you can say you'd like to hide certain people from your news feed, and see MORE from certain people. Go to the bottom of your news feed, and look for "Edit Options." Well, months ago, I picked two people to see MORE from, not knowing what that might really mean around Facebook. I picked my friend Bryan (Mr Bigfoot) and my boyfriend.

That seemed to mean nothing until now. Facebook is dropping random pictures of these two people in the right sidebar. Facebook labels them as Photo Memories, as if I should remember these things. However, Facebook isn't picking pictures where I'm tagged. I'm getting pics of Bryan at events I didn't attend. Or events I did attend. No pics of me and him together, even though they're on Facebook and tagged. It shows me pics of vacations my boyfriend took years before he met me. Huh? Photo Memories for me?

Hint to Facebook: if I'm not tagged in the pic, I may not have been there. That may not be my memory! That is someone else's memory of something they did without me.

This is especially weird since my boyfriend does have pictures up of him with a woman who's not me. I've got pictures up of me with men who aren't him. And Facebook shows me pics of the two of them as a great memory I should behold and treasure. Boo. And it makes me wonder if he's being shown photo memories of me with other people I've dated!

So Facebook. If you want to show me a photo memory, show me my own photo, or show me a photo in which I'm tagged. Otherwise, this may not be my memory, and it may not a GOOD memory for anybody!

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Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Open Job: Bench Jeweler in North Carolina (please share/RT)

It takes a village, so please share this as much as you can. Ripple it out to everybody you know so that we can get this job filled.

One of my clients is a very busy jeweler in Franklin, NC. He's often on the eBay Daily Deal, and he makes every piece by hand from his molds. He needs a bench jeweler ASAP. If you are anywhere in the area, and looking for work, please contact him by turning the following into a real email address:

sylvarocks AT aol DOT com

Again, please retweet this, post to Facebook, put this everywhere. There has to be someone who fits this and is near his location. Let's make this happen! Thanks for your help.

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Monday, 20 September 2010

Hiring: eCommerce Installation and Customisation

We need someone in North America. We design, install, and customise eCommerce websites like Volusion, Magento, ProStores, Zen Cart, and others. I need someone who can get our designs in, and then do some customsations clients might need like page layouts.

We've done this for years, and lately, I cannot find someone in North America who is awesome at this and wants the work. They reported on TV tonight that nearly 17% of the country is out of work. Surely there must be a genius eCommerce programmer type stuck in that 17% who would like to work with us.

Not being able to find a good North American person, I've tried sending some of this work to India. Time and time again, I am disappointed with the work and communication. I want someone who speaks my language, works on my country's time, and sees things more wholistically. For example, when I ask for categories in a drop down menu where the project is a redesign of a LIVE and existing eCommerce website, please use the client's existing categories. An Indian company given that task recently created a whole bunch of new categories (in a LIVE store), and pressured me to pay, even though the work was nowhere near what I had asked for... and wasn't even logical. Why ignore the categories the guy already had, and the hundreds of products in those categories?

I'm tired of offshore companies over-promising what they can do. I want a great person in North America who cares about the relationship, and will impress me every time. Please get in touch from our website inquiry page. Most of the fields on there won't apply, but just fill it out and send it in. I need you RIGHT AWAY.

Thanks.

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I Live In A Resort Vacation

A handful of old ladies and I are standing in a pool doing water aerobics. People are swimming laps. Other people are on lounge chairs, working on their tans. People with tennis rackets walk by as people in golf carts zoom back from early tee times. The day is bright and hot, and there is a strong smell of hamburgers coming from the cafe.

Add killing my sister in shuffleboard, and you have every Christmastime memory of hanging at at Evil Grandma Rose's retirement condo in Delray Beach, Florida from my formative years. But that description was Saturday morning here in Tucson. I work out and take exercise classes at the local country club, which costs almost nothing to join and then $90/month for a single person. That's nothing for a country club.

Or I could have gone to the pool or gym at my apartment complex. Sitting here in my apartment, I have no lights on. The place is so bright that when people see me on webcams, I'm blindingly backlit. I've got extra tall ceilings and ceiling fans. A wrap-around, L-shaped balcony looking at the mountains. This apartment complex, like many in my area, was built to look and feel more like a time share than a traditional apartment.

They say that Tucson has 320 sunny days a year. I think it's more. Even the days when we get rain start out sunny. Cobalt blue skies, many days with no clouds, the moon out all day. It's picturesque. Cactus everywhere. Tucson is surrounded by 5 mountain ranges, and they all look close. I'm at 2640 feet in altitiude, and the top of the mountain I'm looking at is around 9100 feet. But it looks like it's in my back yard. Comparatively, Phoenix is a flat city with a few hills people think are amazing. :)

Every time I go somewhere, I miss Tucson, and can't wait to get back. Many hotel rooms are SMALLER than my apartment's bedroom and master bathroom. Sure, we get seasons. You have to not mind 104 degrees, and I don't. In the winter, a 50 degree day feels sub-zero to locals. You'll see us in layers of fleece, winter coats, and gloves. :) We're thinking about warmer places in the winter, even as we laugh at the TV reports of feet of snow everywhere else.

No hurricanes or tornados. No snow. No twisters or earthquakes. Terrorists don't seem to want to bomb us. OK, we get a rainy season. Part of a resort vacation is being able to totally relax. If you live in the better parts of town here, it's safe and relaxing all the time.

Tucson also has the top spas (and rehab centres (!) ) in the country. It's so beautiful and inspiring here that people come to change their lives... and then leave. Why leave? I'm staying. :) For spa junkies, we have Miraval, Canyon Ranch, Westward Look, and spas at some top resorts like our JW Marriott, Ritz Carlton, Loews, Omni, and Hilton.

People think it's weird I'm here. They expect me in a major city, especially some place related to my work and industry. They expect me in NY or Silicon Valley. Maybe even the DC area or Chicago or Dallas. Tucson? OK, it's a little out of the way, but it's near perfection.

It's like living in a vacation every day.

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Friday, 17 September 2010

What If Meg's $120M+ Governorship Purchase Were Spent Directly On Californians?

I just read a report that Meg Whitman, former eBay CEO, has spent over $120 MILLION on her campaign for governor of California. $120 MILLION. They said this was the most personal money ever spent by a candidate in any race.

She's going about it all wrong.

What if she had spent $100 MILLION creating jobs, bolstering school districts' budgets, feeding hungry people, paying off mortgages of people in trouble, and rebuilding areas hurt by wildfires and other disasters.

I mean like literally. Give money to businesses so they can hire. Give money to school districts that can't retain teachers. Give money to towns trying to figure out if they should fire some cops or some firemen. Pay off people's mortgages. Just give and spend, throw it out there. An investment with human return. There is where I like to think I'm an innovative idea person. :)

The economic and human effect would be amazing, and the press, word-of-mouth, and everything else would be amazing. People who had their mortgages paid off might have money for Xmas gifts. More law enforcement and emergency services mean safer, happier towns. Don't wait for tax cuts... give grants to struggling businesses who have a history of success but are down in the down economy. Better teachers in better schools means a better future for better-educated kids. Better! Better everything! Not out of your tax dollars or some bailout everybody wants to fight over. Right out of Meg's pocket. She has it!

Meg could then spend $20M advertising that. Which she'd barely need because the word-of-mouth on her would be AMAZING. Oprah would probably interview her. Fox would want to talk to her. CNN. Everybody would want to talk to her. She'd make news in every state and probably around the world.

She wouldn't have to run a zillion ads promise what she WOULD do. She would already be DOING it. People would love her. They would have faith and trust. Actions speak louder than campaign promises!

I don't live in CA. I'm not voting on this. I don't know Meg's policies, and if she would be good or not for the state. But I am SURE that her money could be better spent. That's $120M down the drain, nothing to show for it other than maybe she buys her way into office.

Well, she could have bought her way into office AND changed so many people's lives in the process.

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"National Association of Professional Women" Is a Scam

I got a letter today telling me I was approved to join (for free) some group called the National Association of Professional Women. The letter was incredibly bland and meaningless, and it just smelled like a scam... even if they wanted no money from me now.

I Googled them, and among other things, found this: http://www.insiderpages.com/b/15246772989/executive-women-s-association-new-york

So if you get a letter or call from them, whether or not they want money, I would stay away.This doesn't feel right to me, and Googling made this look really not good.

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Saturday, 11 September 2010

Keep Promises You Made To Yourself

I thought I was ready to talk about this, and I'm not. So I'll just speak generally.

Somewhere along the road, you made promises to yourself... promises to be loved, promises to get things done, promises to stay away from negative stuff. Please keep them. Don't delay. Nobody looks back and is glad they put that off or broke that promise to themselves. We're all kicking ourselves and asking where all those years went.

If you are in a relationship where you do not feel loved or you are not being loved, please get out of it. I don't care where you go next. Go somewhere comfortable to re-think everything. I have made serious mistakes that still upset me. I stayed in relationships past breaking points, past promises I made to myself that I'd go if he ever ______.

Love is a good feeling. It's about hearts singing when you talk. There is a feeling that is hard to describe, but it's the feeling when you are interacting with someone who is truly a good match to you. It's like lightning running around your body. It's like your nervous system lighting up like a pinball machine. It's a field of butterflies taking off in flight. It's a passion and connection I just can't describe. It should feel something like that.

I have new, higher standards for relationships. It might be time to create a new standard for yourself. When's the last time you thought about what love is and should be? How it should feel? How do you want to be treated? And how can this all be effortless? That's the key word. We can all twist into pretzels to try to make each other happy. But it is most honest, loving, and passionate when that good connection is effortless. The right guy for me doesn't have to say, do, not say, or not do certain things for me to be happy. Who he naturally is will just blend perfectly with who I naturally am, and we won't need rules, lists, boxes, and all that "trying."

Promise yourself to pursue those good feelings, and then do it. We're all running out of time. Life is shorter than you think, and we're not getting younger. They say, don't postpone joy. I also think people need to understand what joy is and how it feels. You will know it when you feel it, and it may not be what you've been feeling and incorrectly calling joy or love.

I can't undo the times I broke promises to myself. I wish I could because there are a few for which I can't forgive myself. But I can make the decision now to pursue positive and loving experiences that are fulfilling. The decision is nice, but then I have to do it. I have my plan, and I'm following through on it. Make your plan, write it down, and follow through on it.

Don't just promise. Act. Don't accept the promises of others. Look for action. Look for true and honest action coming from a place of love. Desperate acts coming from a place of fear are just not the same. Some parents mistake a child fearing them for "respect." Some spouses mistake acts of desperation and fear for "love." I wish everyone the clarity to know the difference. :)

For those of you who think I'm writing this blog post to JUST YOU, it's for you... and myself... and dozens of other people I know... and hundreds of strangers who were meant to find this.

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Wednesday, 01 September 2010

I'm at eBay On Location!

I'm in San Jose at eBay On Location. Are you there? Well then look for me and come say hi! Are you just in the Bay Area and miss me? Get in touch and let's get together. :)

I'm gone through Sunday night, and my schedule is packed. So if I am slower than usual to get back to you, that's because I'm not sitting at my desk. I'll catch you early next week!

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