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Monday, 04 October 2010

Long Distance Relationships

I've got relationships on my mind again, having broken up with my boyfriend. Sorry that some recent posts will be on relationships. I hope others can learn from what I go through!

For the last year, I've been saying I wanted my next boyfriend to live far away. That would give me time to do my work, and it would force things to move slowly. Heard me say that? Well, I heard me say that a zillion billion times.

I've had long distance relationships. Loved a guy on the other side of the world in 1994. A few years ago, I dated a guy who lived in another country. We kept it together mostly with Skype video calls just about every day. We also had a lot of travel and visits over the 2 years our relationship was long distance. I remember times when I missed him greatly, and I remember wishing we could be together more. I remember times when I was glad to have my space and time to myself. I remember times when I was glad to be taking him to the airport. But for some messed up reason that I understand now, I thought that was love, and stuck with the relationship. We eventually moved in together, and it fell apart pretty much instantly. And I still stuck around trying. Oh well. At least that's in the past, and hope I've learned a lot.

Looking back at these things, I noticed one main thing. My space and time were more important to me. There were many times when I was glad to have my day to myself, my apartment to myself, my time to myself. I was glad he wasn't there, looking for me to finish work and do something with him. I love working. I'll probably always be a workaholic out of the passion I have for what I do. Looking back and trying to make sense out of why I felt that way, I can only come to the conclusion that work was a more passionate and rewarding experience than he was, so it was often (but not always) prioritised higher. Note to self, if I do that again, break up with that guy.

I have a fresh perspective now. I want to be dating someone local to me. I want to adjust my schedule to spend time with him. I should work less and have more fun. :) I have lived for so long without love (the way I'd define it) that I can no longer think of a reason to do a lot of waiting and have love so far away. If something feels that good, I want to be in it every day, not have it far away. If time with a guy feels better than my work, well then that is new and exciting. :)

I now realise the only reason my long distance relationships were "OK" was because there wasn't really that great a connection between us. I thought it was better/more than it was. So my new theory is that if a long distance relationship is just fine, the relationship may not be what you think it is. I wish I'd realised that a few years ago. :)

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Comments

I have been in a long distance relationship for over 11 years. It works good for us. I work long hours and she travels a lot so even if we were close we wouldn't be together a lot. This way when we are together we are TOGETHER.
We actually share more than I have ever shared in any other relationship(even in my 2 marriages)
I realize it won't work for a lot of people but we have done well with it. We usually see each other for a couple of days twice a month

long distance relationships only work if you both know this is a temporary set-up and have plans in the future to live closer to one another.

relationships are about being there for the everyday and the mundane, not just special occasions.

it's easy to dress up and look pretty for a few days out of every month but to be there for the good, bad, and ugly is when you've struck gold.

just my two cents...awesome blog!

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