Saturday, 30 October 2010

Blog Lockdown

Apologies to fans of this blog, but I have to spend the next unknown amount of time not posting about anything that is personal. You won't know when or if I've moved. You won't know where. You won't know what I'm dating. :) I have to have radio silence for a little while.

I am involved in a legal battle with an ex-boyfriend... the kind of guy who will use any small thing he can find out against you. I thought we had reached a deal that gave us what we both wanted, but I just learned that he broke that deal, and has declared all-out war on me. He will lose, and have nobody to blame but himself and how efficient he is with self-sabotage.

But for now, I have to protect myself. I am also blocking from my Facebook wall any people who might know him and be in touch with him at all in any way. If he wants war, then I'm turning off my 24-hr news cycle, and giving him no info. He doesn't deserve that level of trust.

While I thought he and I had a deal, I was comfy being public about my life. I should have known better. I should have known he would break the deal, and start on a truly irrational path of trying to "win" or have some sort of weird power over me. Based on what our legal issue is about, and how we're in zero disagreement over it, I can only assume this is about power... feeling like he won this his way and on his terms. I guess doing this on mutually-agreed terms was too damaging to his fragile psyche.

Once this matter is settled, I may be open to sharing the wacky and fun adventures of my life. Thanks to those who enjoy reading it. I hope to be back to our regularly-scheduled wackiness ASAP. :)

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Monday, 25 October 2010

The Math of Birthday Sex

OK, I got your attention with that one.

Something I've been doing for a laugh is taking people's birthdays, working roughly 9 months backwards, and trying to figure out... ahem... how they got here.

Time after time, I find that when I do that counting backwards, I get to one of the parents' birthdays. I'll start by embarrassing myself. My birthday is early February. Count 40 weeks earlier, and you get early May. My father's birthday is 22 May. Since not every pregnancy is exactly 40 weeks, I'm going to go ahead and call that birthday sex.

One of my clients was telling me his son's birthday was this past weekend. I know his birthday is at the end of January. There's about 9 months between those two dates. :) I hadn't said anything to him, of course.

All those birthdays around the first week of October? New Years Eve sex.

Go ahead and laugh...

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Friday, 22 October 2010

Charging Credit Cards from Your iPod, iPhone, or iPad

I was at a mobile commerce conferfence last week, and saw MANY interesting companies and products. One was from They have a snap-in credit card reader called the AirePoint, and it's for your iPhone, iPod, or iPad. They also have an app that'll take your gateway and other info, and then charge the card.

I think this is great for anybody who needs to charge cards remotely. By swiping the card through your device, you'll pay your "card present" rates, which should save you money. I think this device is a must-have for anybody who takes payment at conferences, flea markets, and other on-site events. I hope they will come out with something for Android phones.

Another interesting feature is that the device will snap into your iWhatever even if it has a case on it. Some other card-swiping devices make you take skins and cases off, but not the AirePoint. You can even use one AirePoint, and just plug it into your multiple iDevices as you need to.

This device has been certified by Apple. They passed the MFi Certification for iPhone and iPod, and also passed the certification for iPad. This video is honestly a little boring, but it does have good info about the device and how to use it:

Disclaimer: I wasn't paid or rewarded for this. I don't own any iWhatever so I didn't try the device. I saw it at a conference, and I thought it looked great. I think people should try it!

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Thursday, 21 October 2010

Facebook Changes Photo Memories, But Not Nearly Enough

Remember my blog post about Facebook's then-new Photo Memories feature? Evidently, my complaints about the feature were different than most people's complaints.

It appears that most people hated it because Facebook was showing them pictures of their ex. Facebook just announced that Photo Memories will now NOT show a picture of anybody who you were previously in a relationship with... according to Facebook. I have been dating people for the last 1.5 years, and have not put any of them by name as my relationship in Facebook. So Facebook has no idea who I've been dating.

Facebook needs to tweak their algorithm a different way. Let's say I'm dating a guy, and I've marked Facebook as in a relatioship with him (by name). Let's say before him, I was dating Mr X, and let's say FB knew I was "in a relationship with Mr X" for some period of time. Maybe we stayed friends, maybe we didn't, but let's say I still have FB pictures up of him or the two of us, and he's tagged.

In this case, Facebook should not show my current boyfriend any pictures that have Mr X tagged in them. I know Facebook will want to show him pictures of me, but FB should eliminate any pictures of me when there is a guy tagged in the photo who FB knows I dated (or was married to!).

Having un-friended ex-boyfriends on FB after breaking up, I can tell you that I do NOT get pictures of anybody who is not my FB friend right now. I also do not get pictures of anybody who IS my friend, but I have hidden them from my news feed.

As with many relationships, the best disconnection is total disconnection. :) If it bothers you to see pictures of your ex, why are you still FB friends with that person... reading his/her updates? Posting or commenting with him/her? Either you stayed friends, and you're OK with that person "in your space," or you didn't stay friends, and you don't even want tiny pictures rotated on your Facebook page.

Facebook, my suggestion is to re-tweak the algorithm to not show someone I am in a relationship with pictures of me with someone I used to be in a relationship with. Facebook would have better data on who I dated if it allowed me to mark myself as "In A Relationship" with [name] but to NOT show the name. My status would say "In A Relationship," Facebook would know with whom, but I wouldn't have it out there as public. I tend to want to keep who I'm dating quiet until it's been going well like a year. :)

Hopefully Facebook Photos Project Manager Sam Odio has a Google alert set up for his name, and will consider my suggestion. :)

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Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Spying On Employees' Emails

Yesterday, I emailed a guy for whom we're doing some eBay work. I got an autoresponder from his BOSS saying the boss was on vacation. I hadn't written to the boss.

CLEARLY, this company has things set up so that every email coming in is also going to the boss. I know a lot of companies do not treat email as private, and people may read emails of workers who report to them.

But this was so blatant and poorly-done since it was obvious to ME, the outside person! Everybody who emails this guy will now get an autoresponder from the boss. Everybody will figure out that the boss is reading all these emails. Eeek.

If someone else at your company can read your emails, they probably are. Be careful of what you say, or of what people send to you (if you can foresee any issues there!).

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Monday, 18 October 2010

A Third Online Dating Profile

I recently blogged about how I basically NEVER see online dating profiles that make me want to meet someone. I referenced two profiles I'd ever seen that made me want to meet someone.

I spoke too soon. I found a third. I'm excited to meet this guy. On paper, he reads like someone I'd really like to date. In real life, no idea... haven't met him yet. But it was fun to be reading a profile I felt like I wrote... so much in common.

He lives in the Bay Area, which is not really a problem as I am working on moving back to the Bay Area. Yes, you read that right. I'm planning to move again. For biz reasons, I should be there. And as I think I'm more likely to find guys who are like me there, that'll be good too. Would be nice to date someone who is local to me (for a change).

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Sunday, 17 October 2010

Read The New Brass Flowers Blog

I now have another blog for another company I recently incorporated. I've been doing a lot of "side consulting" for many years, and decided to finally organise it under its own company... Brass Flowers.

That blog is about website usability, user interface, marketing, design, mobile apps... it's going to be more professional than some of the things I plop here. Oh, there will still be online dating references! But way less personal, and more about how effective websites are or could be based on approaches they take. Hopefully, it'll get you thinking about your own website or app!

What is UX/UI? Well, it's lots of things. But to boil it down to something way too simple, here is a page from the site comparing the idea of UX/UI to traditional website design.

Thanks, and see you at the Brass Flowers blog. :)

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Wednesday, 06 October 2010

Dating Profiles Make Me Want To Meet Nobody

I've read lots of online dating profiles. Two have made me want to really meet the guy. I mean really excited, and like I really HAD to meet this guy. One guy never wrote me back. The other I did get to date for a month or so, and then it fell apart. People who read my Facebook will remember him as "Mr DJ."

I've been thinking about what the dating profiles might look like for the people I did date, love, live with, try to make a life with. Now, admittedly, these people were not the right match for me. But I imagine what their dating profile would look like...

Divorced former corrections officer with two teen girls. Likes smoking cigarettes, getting tattoos, playing drums on everything, and avoiding eye contact during imtimacy.


Possibly gay massage therapist seeks woman who won't notice. Woman must not mind me quitting my job and not working, along with my wild spending habits. Enjoys being the leader of a large group of bigger misfits, loves the Mets, and has an anger management problem.

Hmmmm, not so much.

Western European alcoholic... ok I'll stop that one there. That's PLENTY.

OK so I'm taking the piss. But even if I tried to write serious ones for these people based on the good qualities I saw early on, and remember the times I was really into them, I would think that a dating profile version of them would have turned me off. So how do you find that person in online dating... or don't you?

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Monday, 04 October 2010

Long Distance Relationships

I've got relationships on my mind again, having broken up with my boyfriend. Sorry that some recent posts will be on relationships. I hope others can learn from what I go through!

For the last year, I've been saying I wanted my next boyfriend to live far away. That would give me time to do my work, and it would force things to move slowly. Heard me say that? Well, I heard me say that a zillion billion times.

I've had long distance relationships. Loved a guy on the other side of the world in 1994. A few years ago, I dated a guy who lived in another country. We kept it together mostly with Skype video calls just about every day. We also had a lot of travel and visits over the 2 years our relationship was long distance. I remember times when I missed him greatly, and I remember wishing we could be together more. I remember times when I was glad to have my space and time to myself. I remember times when I was glad to be taking him to the airport. But for some messed up reason that I understand now, I thought that was love, and stuck with the relationship. We eventually moved in together, and it fell apart pretty much instantly. And I still stuck around trying. Oh well. At least that's in the past, and hope I've learned a lot.

Looking back at these things, I noticed one main thing. My space and time were more important to me. There were many times when I was glad to have my day to myself, my apartment to myself, my time to myself. I was glad he wasn't there, looking for me to finish work and do something with him. I love working. I'll probably always be a workaholic out of the passion I have for what I do. Looking back and trying to make sense out of why I felt that way, I can only come to the conclusion that work was a more passionate and rewarding experience than he was, so it was often (but not always) prioritised higher. Note to self, if I do that again, break up with that guy.

I have a fresh perspective now. I want to be dating someone local to me. I want to adjust my schedule to spend time with him. I should work less and have more fun. :) I have lived for so long without love (the way I'd define it) that I can no longer think of a reason to do a lot of waiting and have love so far away. If something feels that good, I want to be in it every day, not have it far away. If time with a guy feels better than my work, well then that is new and exciting. :)

I now realise the only reason my long distance relationships were "OK" was because there wasn't really that great a connection between us. I thought it was better/more than it was. So my new theory is that if a long distance relationship is just fine, the relationship may not be what you think it is. I wish I'd realised that a few years ago. :)

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